Leaking Gratitude… all over the place!
So, today my eyes keep leaking. Tear-bursts I think. Saw on the news that there’s a 100% chance of those passing through all day.
And no, it’s not because of that damned contact malfunction from yesterday. But thanks for the concern. Nor is it related to the somewhat testy discussion I had with Mr. Weiner last night.
Yeah… rough night for him. Pro tip: If your spouse ever had THE. WORST. NEWS. EVER. Delivered to her by phone, after several hours of delay because she was not reachable by cellphone you would be advised to keep yours on and to always be available for her calls. NO. MATTER. WHAT.
Just sayin.
So, anyway, we’re all on the same page now, it’s not that stuff. That stuff passes. Again, because there’s no such thing as a 24 hour Divorce Attorney or Court who’d hear the case in the middle of the night.
Which is lucky for Bob indeed.
Er, anyway… the gratitude I keep oozing is because of the changes life has handed me. Changes that in the beginning I didn’t think so highly of. Changes that I initially regarded as almost as welcome as some sort of social disease. Like Chlamydia. Or Head Lice. Or the overwhelming feeling of gratitude that overcomes me whenever one of the dogs carpetbombs the Guest Room.
Yeah, gratitude just like that.
Okay, now that I’ve given all of you a screaming case of the heebee jeebees… you’re welcome. I’m a sharer like that. Because all of you are my favorites. Yeah.
Anyway, so this whole gratitude thing I’m feeling today? Well, the amazing part is that I’m actually voicing gratitude for stuff I initially hated. Stuff that happened to me/us that I/we weren’t initially sure I/we would survive.
But sometimes it’s the really bad things that happen to you that end up being the best things in your life. Once- that is- you survive them. Once you figure out you’re going to live. And I know this only because I’ve been handed things like that many times in this crazy life of mine. Things I thought were going to surely kill me at the time. Things that are now blessings, when I look at them in a different light. A light that shines bright, like survival. Because these awful things are the things that made me stronger and more of who I am today.
Better, smarter, stronger, happier. Yeah, all of those things. And more.
So, G-d, whichever one’s in charge of the ineffable plan, if you’re reading today, then I hope you read my words of thanks. Yes, thanks for the disasters. For the tragedies. For everything I cursed you about in the past. Because all of those tragedies are part and parcel of me, all of them made me better, and every one of these tragedies resulted in gifts I never expected.
For example, without the tragedy of Eddie’s death I would have never been given the gifts of Bob, Chrissy, Steven, and Micah.
And even June, but we won’t tell her that, mkay?
And then I look at the disaster that happened in 2009, when Bob lost his previously secure job at Travelers in Knoxville. The disaster that found us in a moving truck three months later and me returning home to life in Lakeland. Let me tell you, the gifts from that one continue to roll in. The return of old friends that I hadn’t had in my life since 1982 and the whole new world of people we’ve added. All part and parcel of what we saw as the most disastrous turn for the worse that we had ever seen. In some ways a change that we weren’t sure we could survive as a married couple. But, remarkably, we did. And really we’ve gone far beyond survival and thrived. Because our life, with all these wonderful people – new and old – in it is now beyond rich, and we consider ourselves blessed to have all of them, and this life today.
But no list of disasters is complete without bringing in the oldest one in my life. The disaster I made of my young life that resulted in my son – Ryan. And the blessing I got when I found him again last year, and learned that he is a child that any parent would be proud of. A child who is a credit entirely to the two wonderful people who raised him, but also a child I am so proud to say is mine as well. After all, we all know that one could have gone any way…
And that’s where I have to add that truthfully I would have loved him no matter what, because that’s what you do with love, and life. You handle it. And that’s the thing about love too. It happens… “no matter what”. Life and love and disaster are things that just happen, and we can’t control the circumstances. All we can control is how we deal with all of them.
Because how we handle these disasters in life and love is what determines who we are as people. And, when I look back from that viewpoint I guess Bob and I must be doing pretty good. Because we’ve both taken the absolute worst situations and turned those disasters into the best life we could ever imagine.
For example, leaving Chrissy in TN… er yeah, so not what we wanted to do. But now I feel like we have a better and stronger relationship with her because that relationship isn’t enforced by a court order and nobody feels like that relationship is somehow contrived or invented. Instead today it’s a relationship that the three of us choose to have, as adults, who love each other, who are family. So the disaster of separation turned into the goodness of a strong adult relationship with our child.
So kids, today’s lesson, besides being grateful for the bad and the good, is that disasters don’t always stay disastrous. Sometimes it takes badness to make something good. Sometimes it takes anger and pain to create happiness and love in our world.
So today take a moment to look around your own lives and I think you too will find things that you never considered a blessing at the time, that are now counted as exactly that. And when you recognize that disaster as the blessing that it is today, you’ll know you are living and loving – no matter what.
Blessings. In disguise. For which I’m grateful today. Count yours too. There’s more than you think.
Blessed and loved, beyond my wildest dreams… that’s me.
And grateful. For all of you.
Every day.
Thanks.



