And I’m looking at it right now because I’m feeling the need for some introspection. Because I got an email two days ago that has really made me see some new realities about me and my life today.  Today I guess I finally started recognizing and accepting the fact that my life has changed.

I am getting older.

Getting. Older.

And I don’t know about you but those are some really scary words for me to type or write. Or even say or think.

And, truly, the glimmering dawn of this realization is causing me untold angst like I haven’t had in a very long time.  And the cause of all this drama? Oh, a little thing. Well, okay, maybe not so little, but then again probably it is. Because that email was from a Recruiter. For a very large company. That is currently hiring my dream job. That rolls up every position I’ve ever had and allows me to use all that experience in one job. In a field that is probably as safe as anything out there.  And the skills I would be able to grab from this would kick me completely up to the next level, and probably solve any financial issues we will ever have. And it’s in a perfect location for us – low crime, great education system, cultured, urbane, liberal. Wait, let me retype that last one – LIBERAL. And the company? It’s truly stellar. Great work environment, amazing corporate culture, creative and nurturing environment, and highly supportive management. It’s like a Google or Microsoft on first blush. It’s the level of company that is really hard to find anymore.

But there’s one problem.

Isn’t there always? Yeah, always.

Never can anything that good be perfect, never. Because the problem is in the category of “dealkiller”. Because the perfect company, with the perfect job, is in a great location for some people. But not for me.  Nope.  Because that perfect job, with the awesome company? Is in Madison, WI.

Jeebus help me, Madison, WI.  Ugh.

Yeah, that place would probably be classified as the sock capitol of the world. And it is also in the running for one of the cold weather capitols too.

Can you say BRRRRRRRRRR?

But there was a day when the only concern would have been the weather, and that would have only been a blip on my radar. It wouldn’t have even slowed me down. I wouldn’t have had any angst, over anything. Back in that day, this would have been a done deal. In fact, I would have probably sent them my resume yesterday and started packing my boxes today. But that day isn’t this day. That day is long gone. That day was fifteen years ago. Not today.

And that’s why I’m so angsty over this, because there’s a part of me that really wants to be fifteen years younger. Not fifteen years older like I am today. Because then I could move on this opportunity quickly, without any concern for anything.

Anything other than the whole sock issue, that is.

But I can’t. Move on this, that is. For a few reasons, all of which are because of the fact that today I am older. And growing older means you get baggage that you didn’t have when you were younger. Things like two parents and two step-parents who are all growing older too. And none of them will ever be accused of having what I would call spectacular health. And trust me when I tell you that it’s already a concern that none of them live closer than 7 hours away. So, 18 hours? That’s not even something I can consider. So, that means that this email? And this dream job? They’ll be staying in the dream category. Because all the negatives rolled together make this a no.

Well, all that, and the fact that I like our life here. There’s that too. Because I really do. Like our life here that is. It’s very good actually. We are at peace. And I can see us growing old here. And that’s something I’ve never envisioned anywhere. Because I wasn’t going to do that. Grow old. But I am. Slowly but surely, whether I like it or not. And at this stage in my life, with possibly more of it behind me than there is left to go, I have to remember the important things. The things that count. The people that count.

Which means… (drumroll please) … I’m getting older.

So as much as I’d like to say "yes, yes, pick me pick me!!!"… I’m saying no. Because I don’t live to work. I work to live. I am more than my job or any career success (which bytheway is fleeting at best).  I am my life – with all those people in it, and I wouldn’t trade anything for that life.

Not even that Treehouse Conference Room or the gourmet Cafeteria.

Yeah, really. I know. WTF?

“You aren’t supposed to like it. It’s work."
A quote from my step-dad, when I was 24 and constantly complaining about how much I hated my employment situation.
So, if you missed the memo or you’re late to the table, I’m currently employed as a Customer Service Representative. A job I’ve been doing in one iteration or another for almost my entire 25 year career-path. I’ve been a Manager, an Inside Sales Coordinator, a Senior Rep, a Junior Rep, a Retail Sales Manager… you name it, I’ve done it. And, unbelievably, I actually enjoy it.  Most of the time. And I really love the way I’m doing it now. I’m a contractor, for a very large company, and even though I am a contractor I finally feel valued and respected as a Customer Service Representative. Oh, I still have my days when I wonder whether the Garbage Company is hiring Sorters or Dumpers. But even those days I still feel like this might be one of the most challenging positions I’ve ever had and I really look forward to going to work and learning more. And I do – learn more that is – every day. Even when the lesson of the day is how to manage the stress that is created when I have to subdue the overwhelming urge to reach thru the phone and slap the heck out of somebody who appears to be too mentally impaired to be able to come in out of the rain without guidance and an attendant. Because you can be sure that at least 5 times a day I have to resist the urge to ask whether the caller has considered an easier employment path – like maybe fingerpainting? But those 5 callers? They’re part of the job. That I’m being paid to do. By this company who makes it clear that they value my experience and skills that I’m bringing to the table. This company that recognizes that those two things have a value in today’s disposable world.

This company may be crazy.

Because I can tell you that typically doing Call Center Customer Service is one of the hardest jobs in corporate America. Seriously, it is. No, it’s not cleaning toilets or pulling crab traps in the Baltic Sea. No, it’s not digging holes and filling them back in like DOT seems to delight in. But for you there in corporate America, it’s one of the hardest roles you’ll find in your organization chart. Don’t believe me? Job share with one of your CS folks for just 1 hour. You’ll quickly see what I mean. And while you’re doing that job share, keep in mind that the person who usually does that job is typically making a fraction of your salary and is expected to know quickly exactly how each and every part of your company operates in order to be able to answer the myriad of questions that come at them during the course of their average day. Yeah, every function, every process, because they have to be able to explain the failure. To people who are extremely angry about the fact that there was a failure at all.

Yeah.

If you still don’t believe me on this after all that info then you should have a chat with your HR Manager who hires for Customer Service. If they’re telling the truth, they’ll confirm that the Call Center team typically represents some of the lowest paid staff members in any company, and that those positions possibly suffer from the highest turnover in your organization. And I’ve just got to tell you that those two factors are going to drive your customer satisfaction ratings for your product more than just about anything you will do, make, or say. It doesn’t matter how good your product is. You can have the best sales team in the world. But if your CS Team isn’t good, then your customers will not be happy. Not at all. And having managed Customer Service teams before, I know full well the business reality that Customer Service is nothing but a cost center on the balance sheet. Customer Service can do nothing that will ever directly create a profit. But I would suggest that you need to rethink your strategy based on this radical idea. That if those people in customer service weren’t taking those calls, caring about those customers, and fixing those problems, your balance sheet might be a much worse picture indeed. In fact, without them, you might not have a company. Because if you don’t take care of customers, you don’t keep business. That’s why I think it’s important to remember that those people in that group are the frontline defense for your company’s reputation. If they aren’t those aren’t the best faces you can hire, then what sort of impression is your customer getting of you? If you value that position very little, and your hiring decisions reflect that, why should your customer value your product? If that position is regarded as expendable, is your reputation regarded the same way? Those folks in that call center are frequently the only face or voice that your company has presents to your most important asset – the customer. And this is the face that frequently is being paid practically nothing, but is expected to listen to and solve major and minor problems that have been created by people who make 3 or 4 times as much as they do, and is expected to absorb verbal abuse and denigration from people inside and outside your company – because they’re Customer Service and that’s their job.

So that’s why I think I work for crazy people. They give us both a decent wage and respect for a job well done, for a job that corporations rarely recognize. And because of that, they are able to get the best to do the worst. I’m glad I found them. I’m glad they found me. And whenever I have to call a Customer Service team at some company that doesn’t value their people the way my company does, I try to remember that they aren’t me. They aren’t as lucky as I am to work for who I work for. And I try really hard to understand.

And then I calm down.

Sometimes.

Or not. But I still remember that I’m not them. That I’m lucky.

So, we’re closed here today… gone to the beach.  In the meantime, ponder the wisdom in these words. Makes more sense if you add some sort of beverage. Preferably one with a very high proof.  Very high.

BTW I have an interview tomorrow.  Call in all your markers with whatever Gods you believe in because we most assuredly need the good karma or Namaste, or hell, friendly Tarot Card readings are welcome too.  Anything that works, even a snake handler, that is as long as he leaves the Timber Rattlers at home.  But we’ll take whatever blessings you can send, because, you know, we’re 100% unemployed here at Casa de Pretentia. Again. 

Oh shit, that’s right, we’re 100% unemployed.  Maybe I should consider Voodoo?

Somebody bring me back my pins… or press play, again, fast. 

On our own.  And I guess this is where I have to ask the cosmos if this is some sort of never-ending learning game we’re playing, or if it’s just a really bad sitcom.  The Truman Show – with us instead of Jim Carrey.   As for what I’m mumbling about tonight, if you follow my Twitter then you already know.  If not, then here’s the cliffnotes.  Bob got laid off, again. Today. While I was out looking at houses so we could start moving forward in earnest with this new life we are trying to build for ourselves here in Florida.  Ironic timing that, eh?

And for those of you keeping score at home… yes, this is just a little over a month after we uprooted our lives, left parts of our family behind, and moved our household down here for this job.  This excellent opportunity for growth.  Because it was the best opportunity we had.  Because we didn’t see that there was a future or any opportunity for us in Knoxville. 

Well, apparently there wasn’t much down here either.  And, really, I wish I could say that we were prepared for this to happen, but we weren’t.  There was no handwriting on the wall or anything, no secret decoder message we missed.  No.  There wasn’t.  It was totally out of the blue.  "It’s the economy" and "sales aren’t where they need to be" and "you’re a great guy and we’re sorry" are all wonderful words to hear.  All true.  As long as it’s somebody else hearing them this time.  Not us.  Not him.  But he did.  Again.  And that was it. 

Life, upended, and interrupted.  Twice in one year is just about once too much I think. Don’t you think? Really?  Hmmm.

And, of course, since we’re still in both places in a way, the question of the day was "what the hell do we do now?" And after some discussion, the immediate answer is that we go forward, from here.  Backward isn’t an option, not anymore.  So we move forward.  To the next opportunity. For whichever one of us is lucky enough to find it.  To the next position that may or may not be a really good opportunity. But we will still move forward.  Yes, we’re both upset.  Terribly upset, in fact.  And we’re both silently wondering how we’ll survive this new test.  This fresh Hell.  And the answer is the same as it has always been since we built this little boat of Bob & Missy.  With the help of God, and each other, and our families.  Those are things we know we have.  Things nobody can take away.  And we’ll have to believe in ourselves enough so that we can trust the next opportunity just like we did this one, blindly. 

Because we have no choice.

We have no choice.

But this still sucks.

Being blindsided.

Okay, so, as we all know, I’m still job hunting.  For like a frickin’ year now.  And there’s lots of new tools out there today that didn’t exist the last time I did this.  But one of those tools – Linkedin – is causing me to wonder about myself and what kind of person I am.  Because the premise of LinkedIn is that you build a network of all your work contacts to be able to stay in touch.  And, sadly, I’ve not done this, ever.  Once I’m gone, I’ve moved on.  I’ve always thought secretly that most friendships made in the workplace are more situational than true friendships.  A sort of "we’re all in this together" type of thing that once you move on, the friendships die.  Now that’s not always the case.  Some folks stay with you.  Some folks you want to keep in your circle.  Like, for instance, Eesa at ZYP, and Dana at BAC.  One was a good friend for a number of years and the other was with me the day EB died.  Both of those are in the category of unforgettable, but as for everyone else, I guess I fall under the heading of "who?"  And I’m sure this comes from the circumstances of some of the positions that I’ve held in the past.  Positions where I was brought in to force change and disrupt the office "force" that existed, break down the silos, and build something new.  I knew going into those jobs that I was not going to be making friends and I also knew very well that my employers were not hiring me to do that.  So I didn’t put down roots, didn’t make long-term connections, and that worked fine for me.  After all, I had friends outside of work to spend my leisure time with, so I wasn’t missing out on anything.  And, besides, I’m also the type who really wants to leave the office and the office drama at the door when I leave and come home.  I’m not always successful with that because of my maniacal job ownership habit, but I really try hard to keep my lives separated.  I think that’s more than necessary if you are to stay healthy as a person.  But,  in my quest for two lives, and in my skill at leaving everything behind, I’ve finally figured out what I missed out on.  At 44 years of age, with years of valuable experience behind me, I have absolutely no clue how to network.  How to use the connections I do have to help me find where I’m going next.  I never learned that, with my "love ‘em and leave ‘em" ways, and that’s sad.  And now, in this tough job market, I’ve finally come to see (albeit slowly, maybe I was one of the easy babies?) that maybe that wasn’t the best way to manage my career?  Maybe? 

So now, here I am, trying to rebuild a network, and it isn’t easy.  I know all the people I sent invites to from my past are wondering why?  Why now?  What changed with her?  It has surprised me at some of the people from my past who have responded.  People I really never expected to respond, and I hope they know that I am grateful for that response.  I am learning.  And in my next role (wherever and whatever that is) I’ve resolved never to take those people connections for granted.  Because doing the work isn’t the only important thing.  Having somebody who can tell how well you did it is even more important.  I would safely estimate that I’ve lost a million dollar Rolodex in my last three positions.  People who trusted me with millions of dollars in business, knew how passionate I was about my work, and who could have helped me today.  But I left them behind with that job, and now they don’t know I’m struggling because I didn’t keep in touch.  I didn’t build a web.  I worked alone.

So use me as a cautionary tale.  Build bridges.  Do not discount the importance of people.  Remember that we’re all a village, even if some of us qualify as the idiot.  And remember, the connections you keep could one day be what keeps you tied into your careerpath.  If they don’t teach that in college then maybe they should.

Headhunter: We definitely think we can place you.  I mean, you scored the highest score possible on our Customer Service phone skills testing system.  I’ve never seen that high of a score, really!

Me:  Well, I hope I did.  I mean, did you even look at my resume?  I managed customer service, so we can only hope that I know how to take customer calls.  I don’t think all that job history on my resume is a fluke.  Do you? 

Yes, it’s official, I am surrounded by idiots!

Okay, so I don’t normally follow the crowd or do anything anybody ever does, but this time I thought I would try it.  Blame Mrs. Flinger, or somebody, not me.  You know, because it’s not my fault.  Everything else is, but not this. 

So, here’s the sitch: I’m still on the Great Job Hunt.  Duh.  Anyway, back in December I had an interview with an organization who was hiring for exactly my background but they wanted a bit more depth in direct sales in their dream candidate.  That’s why I didn’t make the cut, or so they said.  Since my rejection letter they’ve advertised and filled that position twice, with both of the "superior" candidates washing out.  So either the job sucks or the candidates sucked, but something is definitely of the bad here. 

So for my inaugural Brutally Honest Monday Question, here’s what I want you to consider:  Should I resubmit my resume for this position? 

If so, how should I word the cover letter?  Because I’m almost positive that "Seriously, you schmucks, if you’d have hired me in the beginning you wouldn’t have gone through this ordeal" is really not a good beginning, even though I think that’s what they should have done.  Anyway, gives me teh feedback… let me know what you think.  Because, we all know that advice you get from the innertubez has to be far superior to anything you get anywhere else.

It went well, I think.  It would be a dream job… if I can get it.  I have some skillzez that they didn’t expect to find in candidates around here.  Cross your fingers!

Home from Mom’s, and it’s gray here.  Everywhere I look, gray gray gray.  I hate gray, can’t you tell?  Oh yeah, I hate rain too.  It was so pretty and alive in middle Georgia… trees in bloom, grass all new and green.  Here, not so much, still looks dead.  In fact, from the looks of things, it’s going to be a repeat of the year that Willard Scott was here for the opening of Dogwood Arts.  For the Today Show segment they had to put nursery Dogwoods on the stage around and behind him because there were no Dogwoods actually in bloom in the knoxpatch that year.  My trees are still closed up tighter than Eliot Spitzer’s hooker service, with nary a sign of blooming anytime soon.  Oh, but there is one good development during my absence – my Bobodils have finally bloomed!  They’re keeping their heads down, taking cover when necessary, but they are bloomed out and very pretty.  I gave them some encouragement yesterday when I saw them and again I promised to keep Jeff the Mower King from executing them.  The things we do for beauty and a bit of Spring, sigh.

Another ongoing frustration is still ongoing – the never-ending search for employment.  Yet another position where I got to the final round of interviews only to be passed over for an internal candidate.  Did I mention I hate internal candidates?  Seriously, just promote them already, don’t waste my time.  Really, you know you want them, just give it to them.  Don’t torture them too.  So, I begin again. 

OHBYTHEWAY, because of all this free time that’s driving me crazy, Thi Thi and I are considering doing something fun for a sideline – making a line of gourmet dog treats to sell at the Market Square Farmer’s Market.  I mean, come on, we have a great testing staff – Lulu, Angel and Mabel – and they all have very high standards for their treaties.  So, what do all three of you readers think about that?  Crazy nuts looney, or maybe fun for a while.  Is there a market for that in Knoxvegas?  I think so, from the looks of the dog parents I see at the Dog Parks.  Feedback welcome!

So, now I’m going back to sulking.  Not going to be upbeat or chipper and you can’t make me.  But I do have to note, my husband did miss me, alot.  There’s always that.  That’s at least something.   Oh, and the kid raised all her grades this quarter.  Woo hoo for Miss C!  And a big old boo yah to the evil grandmother.  Yes, both of those are good things.  Okay, damn it, I’m smiling, in spite of myself.  Maybe life isn’t so gray after all.  Maybe.

Holiday stress is raining down on me by the good gobs… ACKKKKK!!!!!!  It’s the usual, too much to do and not nearly enough time to get it all done!  I still don’t have the Christmas cards done (bought them yesterday but that’s as far as it’s gotten), I think I may have gift-wrapped one of the dogs and stuck her under the tree, I don’t know where to take my Toys for Tots stuff that I bought so long ago, and don’t let’s even start talking about the new job interview process that kicked off yesterday and is apparently being fast-tracked by the prospective employer, at the very same time!  To add to the fun, one of my family members wants to know what I’m bringing to a family get-together a week from Sunday… WTF???  Don’t be hurt guys, but I don’t even know what I’m eating this weekend!  So just put me down for a dessert… I’ll pick up Krispy Kremes and stack them into the shape of a Christmas Tree!  That’ll work, right? 

To put this in country terms… I don’t know whether to wind my ass or scratch my watch!  Okay, that’s enough venting… gotta unwrap the dog and get back to work! CYABYE!