And I’m looking at it right now because I’m feeling the need for some introspection. Because I got an email two days ago that has really made me see some new realities about me and my life today.  Today I guess I finally started recognizing and accepting the fact that my life has changed.

I am getting older.

Getting. Older.

And I don’t know about you but those are some really scary words for me to type or write. Or even say or think.

And, truly, the glimmering dawn of this realization is causing me untold angst like I haven’t had in a very long time.  And the cause of all this drama? Oh, a little thing. Well, okay, maybe not so little, but then again probably it is. Because that email was from a Recruiter. For a very large company. That is currently hiring my dream job. That rolls up every position I’ve ever had and allows me to use all that experience in one job. In a field that is probably as safe as anything out there.  And the skills I would be able to grab from this would kick me completely up to the next level, and probably solve any financial issues we will ever have. And it’s in a perfect location for us – low crime, great education system, cultured, urbane, liberal. Wait, let me retype that last one – LIBERAL. And the company? It’s truly stellar. Great work environment, amazing corporate culture, creative and nurturing environment, and highly supportive management. It’s like a Google or Microsoft on first blush. It’s the level of company that is really hard to find anymore.

But there’s one problem.

Isn’t there always? Yeah, always.

Never can anything that good be perfect, never. Because the problem is in the category of “dealkiller”. Because the perfect company, with the perfect job, is in a great location for some people. But not for me.  Nope.  Because that perfect job, with the awesome company? Is in Madison, WI.

Jeebus help me, Madison, WI.  Ugh.

Yeah, that place would probably be classified as the sock capitol of the world. And it is also in the running for one of the cold weather capitols too.

Can you say BRRRRRRRRRR?

But there was a day when the only concern would have been the weather, and that would have only been a blip on my radar. It wouldn’t have even slowed me down. I wouldn’t have had any angst, over anything. Back in that day, this would have been a done deal. In fact, I would have probably sent them my resume yesterday and started packing my boxes today. But that day isn’t this day. That day is long gone. That day was fifteen years ago. Not today.

And that’s why I’m so angsty over this, because there’s a part of me that really wants to be fifteen years younger. Not fifteen years older like I am today. Because then I could move on this opportunity quickly, without any concern for anything.

Anything other than the whole sock issue, that is.

But I can’t. Move on this, that is. For a few reasons, all of which are because of the fact that today I am older. And growing older means you get baggage that you didn’t have when you were younger. Things like two parents and two step-parents who are all growing older too. And none of them will ever be accused of having what I would call spectacular health. And trust me when I tell you that it’s already a concern that none of them live closer than 7 hours away. So, 18 hours? That’s not even something I can consider. So, that means that this email? And this dream job? They’ll be staying in the dream category. Because all the negatives rolled together make this a no.

Well, all that, and the fact that I like our life here. There’s that too. Because I really do. Like our life here that is. It’s very good actually. We are at peace. And I can see us growing old here. And that’s something I’ve never envisioned anywhere. Because I wasn’t going to do that. Grow old. But I am. Slowly but surely, whether I like it or not. And at this stage in my life, with possibly more of it behind me than there is left to go, I have to remember the important things. The things that count. The people that count.

Which means… (drumroll please) … I’m getting older.

So as much as I’d like to say "yes, yes, pick me pick me!!!"… I’m saying no. Because I don’t live to work. I work to live. I am more than my job or any career success (which bytheway is fleeting at best).  I am my life – with all those people in it, and I wouldn’t trade anything for that life.

Not even that Treehouse Conference Room or the gourmet Cafeteria.

Yeah, really. I know. WTF?

So, it’s been a while… is that a new haircut? You lost weight didn’t you?  Oh me?  Doing fine, just swimming along.  Really.  Still in a holding pattern. 

Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

But it’s been a pretty good Fall, actually.  We’re both working.  Doing well at that.  Dare I say it? Enjoying it? Yikes! That means it’s time to move on, right?  And we’re both really starting to wrap our heads around the idea that this is home.  Home.  Capitalized.  Yeah, home.  And if we could get our own place, then it would be home.  Home! With an exclamation point.  We’re looking.  We’ve narrowed down the area – 33803 – between Lake Morton and Edgewood, and now it remains to find the right place. 

Meanwhile, we’ve been getting into the FL groove.  Enjoying the whole no socks, tee shirts & shorts thing.  Wearing sweaters when it’s 58. Yeah, that thing.  You know me, I love it.  This, actually, is why people live in Florida.  Clear sunny days of 75 to 80, nights of 55 to 60.

Aaahhhh, this is the life!  I could retire here. Oh, wait, I think I already have. Maybe.

The commune living has turned out pretty well, or at least better than I think any of us ever expected.  But all fun things come to an end, and so it is with that too.  The Smiths are househunting, just like us, to find something a little more their style, where they can be a family again. And as much as we’ve gotten on each other’s nerves, I think we’ll all really miss each other.  I know I will anyway.  And Mabel will be despondent.  We may have to buy Angel, or rent her on a regular basis.

On the subject of the Florida groove, did I mention that it was 80 degrees on Halloween night? With a solitary gibbous Moon standing silent sentinel as we trolled the neighborhood for goodies.  Gotta love trick or treating in good neighborhoods… FULL SIZE CANDY BARS!!! Yep, lots of them. Loves them.

Also on the subject of the Florida groove, we’ve been getting our theme park thing on.  Yep.  Took Kaybug to Universal in October… her first time ever.  Lots of fun that day.  Then, last weekend I did Food & Wine @ Epcot with my cuz.  I think we might have over-imbibed a tad – maybe. But I’m no expert, don’t quote me!  Then, today, we took advantage of the beautiful Fall weather and went to Downtown Disney for The Festival of the Masters.  For a free event, we had more fun than is legal. Well, most of us, Bob whinged some, but we just ignored him, or told him to STFU. Then he did.  It was good.  And even he grudgingly admitted that it was fun. 

So that’s the update.  Maybe I’ll write more.  Maybe.  I seriously considered pulling the plug entirely. But then I didn’t.  I just don’t feel like I have a lot to say anymore.  I’m busy living. Not talking about it.  We’re free of the past now.  We’ve got a full life.  It’s good.  What’s there to say really?  But I’ll come by to visit.  And you should also expect Fitness updates… since that’s my new thing.  More about that later though. 

Hugs!!!

M

With your host…

Oh, nevermind, channeling again.

Anyway, here’s the bulletpoints, because I’m a slackass, and I really don’t want to write an entire post with all the frills and furbelows you’ve come to expect.  Although, now that I think about it, your expectations are pretty low on this site. Like subterranean.  Or lower.  But anyway, regardless (or is it irregardless? I get so confused), here’s what I think you need to know about the here and now.  And lest you be confused, I’m doing this alternating good things/bad things, because life is like that.  Sweet with sour. Yeah, you know it.

1. Bob got a job.  Yes, a job. Where they pay him and everything. Yay.  So happy.  We may not end up living in a box after all. This is a very good thing.  Florida, in the summer, in a box, would be "of the suck". Because of this.
2. Yes, as I linked above, Tropical Storm Ana has formed in the Atlantic.  Now I usually like Ana’s, and in fact I’m particularly fond of this one who spells hers Anna but pronounces it like Ana.  However, I am not a fan of Tropical Storms, or their much scarier cousins – hurricanes.  Nope, not a fan at all.  In fact, I might be in contention for ultimate anti-fan.  This is the part about Florida that I don’t like.  The part where the whole damned place could conceivably turn into one big, flat parking lot, filled with nothing but hostile wildlife and swamp.  Oh, wait, that’s already happened.  So what am I afraid of?  May actually give us a shot of urban renewal or something.  So, glass half full or glass half empty and sides about to implode from Cat 5 winds.  You decide.  I’m just going to have another drink.  Hurricanes anyone? 
3. And the drinking isn’t just because of impending doom.  As hard as it may be to believe, I may have a pretty good shot at a contract position too.  Yes, employment.  For me.  That doesn’t involve "por favor, step away from the Slurpee Machine!"  And before you go getting all excited and shiz, no, it is not a forever job, at least initially.  But they are paying big dinero for a contract hired gun (that would be me), and the company who needs said hired gun is just right down the street so the commute is pretty easy.  Even better, I get to pass the Starbucks on my way, and there aren’t any red light cameras in that area.  So it’s all one big yay, right?  More Hurricanes for everybody!
4. And boy oh boy, Bob’s going to need them! He had a physical yesterday.  Yes, he got "the finger", they’re taking him off his Diabetes meds to see if he is self-controlling any at all, no they never told me whether he actually has a brain, and yes they will be setting him up for a Colonoscopy.  If you aren’t aware of the fun involved in this procedure, read this.  If you don’t want to know any more about this topic then go look at these.  Ha, gotcha! Now I bet you really do need the Hurricane, right?  Bob’s hoping for one mixed into his Moviprep.  I may put this on Youtube. 
5. But not from my new iPhone 3G.  Yes, you read that right, MY NEW IPHONE 3G!!! Another round of Hurricanes, just to celebrate! Drink up, you’re getting behind!  Now we didn’t get the new fancy-schmancy version with the compass (in the stock?) and the video camera, but we did get them at a really good price and they didn’t appear to have any crime scene detritus on them, so we’re okay with not being on the cutting edge.  We’re old, we’re used to it.  But, because we’re old, learning to use our new toys (I mean phones) has been more than a little challenging.  I mean, I think we spent at least a year this week learning how to do little things like PLACE AND ANSWER A FRICKIN’ PHONE CALL! Oh, and how to unbrick the damned thing when you answer it while you’re installing a critical software update.  Don’t do that BTW, I’m just sayin.  And yes, surprisingly, I’m the guilty party on that one.  Two hours after we got them home, mine was dead.  Really dead.  Like, as dead as Sarah Palin after a visit with the Death Panel (hey, a girl can dream, right?).  But thanks to The Google and Youtube and all you other geeks out there, I brought The Precious back to life.  And since that fun little incident we’ve spent the week perusing all the many free applications out there on iTunes and we’ve installed some really superb productivity helpers like Atomic Fart, and Bubblewrap.  Yes, really, we have both of them, and More Cowbell too! Because, hey, doesn’t everything need more cowbell? Yes, indeed it does.  The downside is that conversation has nearly ceased in our house, while we’ve been busy putting the pinstripes on our kewl new gadgets.  But the upside is that I am now qualified to work at any tech helpdesk job in the world.  That is, as long as I can begin every call with "Damnit Bob, what the hell did you do?"  Customer Service with a big smile is my life! Um, yeah. 

So, that’s all for now.  Next week’s fun includes a trip to TN at some point.  Oh, and Tropical Storm Ana.  Can’t forget her.  I tell ya, the fun just never stops around here.  And neither, apparently, do the Hurricanes.  Have another drink. Looks like you might need it.

I know I do.

Har har har, I crack me up sometimes.

But really, that pretty wet white stuff?  Not really a big deal.  Not really.  And next time schools, take this little tidbit of advice and read all the weather warnings and react intelligently.  After reading all of @djuggler’s tweets I’m pretty much convinced that we’d all have been a whole lot safer if the kids had stayed in school. 

And, before all you 13 year olds start firebombing me, it’s a public safety issue.  And, really, maybe you noticed maybe you didn’t, but things transportation-wise were much improved by then.  Yep, all that non-liquid precipitation was busy melting and drying out.  No slick roads, no road accumulation, no school buses in the ditch.  Much safer. 

But no, we had to go and get all panicky and stuff… because we’re, oh I don’t know, Knoxville?  Um, yeah, Knoxville.  And we panic better than pretty much any darned body in the world.  Just ask Kroger if you don’t believe me, but you’ll have to wait until they sober up.  After all, they just iced their first quarter’s profits with today’s Milk/Bread/Beer run, and they’re still celebrating.  They did say to let all of you know that the thank you notes are in the mail.  Er, yeah, that’s it.  In the mail.

The one good point to this?  Other than tricking my dogs into chasing snow balls that disintegrate on contact out in the yard this afternoon?  And yeah, that was lots of fun… for me and for the dogs… even thought they still aren’t too sure what happened to the pretty white tennis ball I was throwing.  My dogs… if the kennel had a short bus they’d be on it.  But anyway, the other good point?  Right now my house is protected with a beautiful white icy Zombie Fence!  Yep, we’re completely safe from a Zombie attack.  Because, you know, snow is a natural Zombie repellant.  So there’s that anyway.  That and two snoring dogs.  And a bunch of kids who got an impromptu vacation day.  I guess there’s worse things.

Maybe.     

Yeah, so much to write, not sure where to start… or if I even want to write at all.  Okay, yeah, I always want to write, it’s just that sometimes the empty page is a little intimidating.  Yeah, freaky, I know.  But do you really expect anything else.  You’re here, aren’t you? 

Fun weekend, even with the midnight trips to Marble Slab included.  You know, when you love somebody, nothing is inconvenient.  No matter how much somebody else wants to try to make it so.  However, the person who sees her as inconvenient made her feelings obvious.  She knows exactly who really thinks she’s inconvenient.  She knows.

The Family Shrimp Boil was great, thanks to Coastal Connections and their yummy seafood.  Oh, and Magpies and their yummy cupcakes.  The Bob and I think the Chocolate Hazelnut ones need to be on their everyday list.  They taste like a Ferrero Rocher without the crunch.  They made those special for me… you know, because I’m special? Yeah, that’s it, special.  Anyway, thanks guys for making my birthday party a yum-fest.  Food, fun, family – that’s the ingredient list for a great event!  Yep, pretty much everything turned out perfect. 

Oh, and I need to know something.  Exactly where was it in the universe that Todd Howell (and the rest of the "forecasting teams" in the Knoxville area) learned to read their weather tea leaves?  Because I’ve never seen a forecast so badly blown as the one for Saturday.  Never.  Regardless of the forecast, we went to Splash Country for the day, mainly because we had $125.00 invested in a Waterside Retreat.  And, if you haven’t done one of those before, try it, it’s worth the extra money to have a little privacy and a safe place to get away to.  Anyway, we were expecting to be there no more than a couple of hours before we got a Rain Date, but we ended up with a beautiful, sunny, and not too hot day.  Except for all the super scary people in bathing suits over there, that is.  My sister snarked about the Fashion Parade here.  She said it all.  Brrrrrrrrr!  Some people should be forced by law to wear lots of clothes.  I’m just sayin’.  Anyway, back to the weather.  All I can think of is that Chuck Norris knew it was my birthday party, and he kicked all the rain out of the clouds.  In fact, I think that’s the only logical explanation – Chuck Norris.  So, thanks, Chuck, for giving me good weather this Saturday.  I’ll erect a statue in your honor one day.  Because you, Chuck Norris, are the Weather God.  Truly, without a doubt, the Weather God.  Jim Cantore and the rest of the Weather Channel team grovel in homage at your feet.

Oh, and another thing, did you know you can prune shrubs with a pair of Kitchen Shears?  Yes, yes you can.  And the shears are doing fine,  they’re German, they’re made for heavy duty usage.  However, I’ve determined that even though we pay the kind and wonderful Jeff to do the lawn, maybe it’s time I had some power yard tools to be able to do work on the shrubs myself.  Because I’ve got lots of things growing around here that aren’t shrubs.  They’re weeds.  They just look like shrubs.  So, craigslist, here I come, to buy mean, choppy type things, of the electric nature, so I can go all Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom on my yard.  Only this time I’m playing Jim and the Bob will be Marlin, sitting in the Jeep, from a very safe distance, saying "ouch Jim, that’s gotta hurt!"  Probably a good thing Baptist Hospital is right down the road, ya think?

So, that’s my weekend, with our girl, and lots of fun.  Have I mentioned lately that life is pretty good?  Have I?  Yeah, and the other things that aren’t so much?  Well, with berries.  Yeah, berries.  That’s all.  

Okay, so that about clears up any questions you have on how I feel about that subject, now doesn’t it?  Um, yeah. 

Another Saturday, another cold front, another weekend of crappy weather… and so it goes.  Did I tell you that it’s Spring and pretty today.  Again, um, yeah.  But today isn’t Saturday, today is Thursday.  Saturday is when the Bob is off work.  Saturday we were going to go to Dollywood.  Saturday (in case you haven’t heard) there’s now an 80% chance of rain and yuck.  Saturday is going to suck.  Saturday we’ll be home, watching the weather, living the suck, and reading about all the places around the globe that are enjoying good weather.  So, Saturday? Yeah, I’ll be mad.  In fact, today I’m mad in advance.  Just two words – stupid weather.  Is a nice weekend too much to ask for?  Apparently so, if you live here.  Apparently so.  

Spring – at my house

Whatever you might see in your yard or read on your calendar, Spring hasn’t arrived at Maplewood Manor.  Oh, it’s come to the rest of the neighborhood, with practically everything danged thing in Island Home bursting out all over, turning some shade of green, pink, blue or yellow and everything all shiny and new.  In fact, if the truth was known, it’s my favorite time of the year, but it’s not gotten to me and my yard, and I’m feeling really left out.  In fact, because of the recalcitrant flora and fauna in my yard, I’m forced to drive around the neighborhood and look on with envy at everyone else’s Spring Peep Show.  Now you know, I’m the neighborhood flower pervert, alert the authorities! 

Before you ask the obvious, yes we do have spring bulbs planted.  In fact, we even have green shoots coming up from those bulbs.  We just don’t have any flowers yet because they aren’t blooming.  Because they don’t want to, because they’re just like The Bob.  Yes, although I never knew it was possible, I have learned this Spring, much to my chagrin, that my flowers have the same personality as my husband.  Yes, you read that right, the flowers are just like the Bob.  You know, Eeyore?  What with his buddy- BALKAN GLOOM – and his tendency toward negativity, to say that the Bob approaches new and change with extreme discomfort is probably a huge understatement.  And apparently our Daffodils share his somewhat dim outlook on the world, and they’re all driving me nuts! 

To explain further, this is the first Spring that I’ve gotten to watch everything wake up in my yard.  When we were here in 2005 I was working and I didn’t have this surfeit of leisure time.  All I remember was yellow and green, flower in shape, somewhere around the mailbox area, and that’s usually enough for me.  Not really enough time to micro-manage the flowers, yo.  However, this year I do have the time, and plenty of it.  Therefore, nothing around here is escaping my micromanagement, except maybe the laundry, and I am noticing what the flowers are up to and I’m here to tell you that they are not keeping up with the program.  In fact, around here my Daffodils are pretty easy to spot because of their decided lack of, well, Daffodil flowers.  Oh, they’re up, out of the ground, and you can see their buds, still tightly wrapped in their flower cellophane.  They just haven’t chosen to join the spring show quite yet.  While all the other daffodils around our house look like yellow and white hoochie coochie girls, wiggling their flower hips, practically shouting “hey Sailor, buy me a drink?”, mine look like the maiden aunts of the neighborhood, prim and proper, wearing really large underwear and being very baptist in their blooming behavior.   I am beyond annoyed with them and because I know where they learned this behavior from, I’m calling them  bobodils.  And because I’m very adept at dealing with this kind of subversion, I know exactly how to get flowers out of them too.  Today I’m going down to the mailbox and I’m going to talk to them, again.  I’m going to tell them one more time that they’re the prettiest flowers on the block and I’ll even offer to guarantee their safety by not allowing Jeff The Mower King to mow them down until they’ve given us their all.  Then, if they still won’t show any yellow, I’ll just yell.  Carrot or stick, either way, I’m getting flowers out of them.  Meanwhile, anybody know if The Flower Market has any Daffys in stock?  I need a truckload of Spring, right now!

And there’s no snow… imagine?  Shocking!  My only piece of advice to the local band of goofballs that call themselves Weather Forecasters around these parts is don’t ever leave this area of the country.  Really, missing every snow forecast isn’t life and death, missing a hurricane forecast really is.  Now, of course, hurricanes are pretty large and slow-moving, so if they have a week to forecast it maybe even these idjits could get it right.  Maybe.  Okay, probably not. 

So, if you’re reading this and considering a move to east Tennessee, be advised.  Winter consists of equal parts of cold, gray, and wet, but no snow.  Oh, and the cheap rentals, they’ve practically got dirt floors.  And we’ve got the Vols.  Now that’s something the chamber can surely trumpet about, right?  Um, yeah.

As for me and my house, we’re going back to bed until Spring gets here… and we’re never watching the weather around here again!

Update:  As we left for the gym a few flakes began to fall… now it’s coming down pretty good.  So, I apologize for besmirching the local forecasters already shady reputation, but not too much.  And I’m still not watching the weather anymore.  Look for me at local events, I’ll be the one wearing the right clothing for the weather… based on what it was doing when I left the house.  That’s the best forecast of all.

WBIR 5 Day Forecast

OMG – the forecast is saying it again!  Thanks KAG for the heads up – now I’ve got to get my arse moving and go get bread and milk… oh, and liquor and maybe a bottle or 12 of wine… because they’ll probably sell out.  You know, because it’s going to snow!!!

C’mon white stuff!  Mike Witcher don’t fail me now!  Watch out Super Target – here I come!!!

UPDATE:  According to Craig over at WVLT we won’t see more than a dusting.  Oh, everybody around us with more than a 5% elevation will be buried butt-deep to a camel with the white stuff.  But not good old Knox County.  We’re not going to see any more than we’ve seen all winter.  Let me just be very clear, winter sucks here. 

Okay, shopping trip cancelled, back to your regularly scheduled sloth-like poses.   

So, busy weekend, time together, blah blah blah.  Thought I’d do a little list today of things that deserve Kudos and things that do not.  Why?  Well, because it’s Monday and I’ve got nothing… absolutely nothing to work with here.

Woohoo – to my Mom for wrapping that Wedding Cake layer better than King Tut.  I didn’t have a lot of hope that we’d be eating anything decent after a year in the deep freeze, but I am happy to admit that I was very wrong!  Apparently the secret is 4 layers of saran wrap, taped closed, then slide the whole thing into a very large Ziploc bag, zip it shut, then tape the bag with packing tape.  The other good news is that Mom can make bodies disappear using this same method.  This could come in handy!

Woohoo – to the Grand Floridian Bakery – for the aforementioned year-old wedding cake.  When we peeled off the fondant last night the buttercream underlayer was just as nice and creamy as it was on the other layers last year.  And I must say, dayum, that is still some really good cake!  In fact, I think we probably should apologize to all the wedding guests from last year because it appears that we kept the best layer for ourselves.  Dark Chocolate cake, dark chocolate truffle mousse filling, and fresh raspberries.  This portion of the post was brought to you by the letters Y, U, M, M, and Y. 

WTF – to the sucky weather we had this weekend.  I mean really, how many days of gray do we have to have before this crap will knock it off?  Color me totally over it… sunshine soon please!  Or I’ll sic Chuck Norris on you!

Woohoo – to all of our restaurant and activity choices for this weekend.  It was almost like we took an out-of-town trip and never went more than 20 miles from our front door.  You know, when you look at where you live through the prism of different places and activities, you might be amazed at how different the place you call home can be. 

WTF – to Table 15 for putting in TVs.  As a commenter said "how Knoxville", and it’s true.  Very shiny, modern, trendy, until you get to the flatscreen Plasmas.  We’ll still go back, but I feel the need to grumble about them.  That’s a big blackeye on the face of something really cool here in Knoxvegas.  Score another one for the lowest common denominator.

Woo hoo – to the Bob.  Letting me pick out my gift on Saturday afternoon was a good thing.  I mean, you know I’m picky as hell.  Sorry, that’s just how I am.  And, just so you know, I think of the bracelet as completing the circle of my life that started with the necklace, way back in ‘03. 

WTF – to the Bob, for guessing what his gift was and making me lie to him, repeatedly, the entire weekend to cover it up.  I may go to hell for all those untruths you caused, was that your plan?  But, I think that lying about Playstation III is mostly worth it, and now we have all the gaming systems and you have your darned bluray system… happy?  Yeah, I know you are, and just so you know, I am too, except for the whole lying and going to hell thing… that part sorta sucks.

WTF – To the Academy.  Tilda Swinton????  Really????  And even more odd, Marion Cotillard????  Again, WTF.  There really aren’t enough words to voice my disappointment.

Woo Hoo – to Jimmy Kimmel, for I’m F***ing Ben Affleck.  Touche!  Wonder what Sarah Silverman will do next, other than keep f***ing Matt Damon.

Okay, that’s today’s list.  Maybe I’ll do this again sometime.  You know, when I’ve got nothing.