So, yep, this week we’re getting a new inside outhouse… thanks to my step-dad and Mom!  Everybody, all together now- thanks Mom & Jim Bob!  And, for those of you too young to remember, so far it’s going just like all the other renovations that have been done to this house, slowly.  Why? Because the house hates renovations, hates change, and it fights all attempts to make it nicer with every dirty trick in the book.  All of them, at once.  Grrrrrr.  Just grrrrrr.  Yep.

The renovation list:

1. New Vinyl Flooring
2. New Toilet
3. New Vanity & Sink
4. New Towel Bar
5. New Shower Enclosure, Showerhead, Hardware

And after the first day, we have a new toilet.  Yep, a toilet.  After an entire day of labor from six people.  A toilet.  Oh, the new floor is down, sort of, because we had to do at least part of that in order to seat the toilet, but the floor is only partially glued, in that corner only.  And why, I’m sure you want to ask, is there so little done?  Yeah, I know you want to ask that, just like the Bob did, because you too are crazy or you have a death wish.  And the answer, when my head quits spinning around, is that this house hates me.  And so does the old floor, apparently.  So, the house and floor from Hell put their collective muscle into fighting my improvement plan all day yesterday.  They fought us tooth and nail, literally.  Oh yes, they did. Because that old floor, you know, the one that was curling up on the edges?  The one that looked like Kaybug could pull it up?  Well, it only did that to lure us into complacency. Then, when we started pulling, it seperated into two pieces.  The vinyl top layer that pulled up really easy, and the paper backing that was made in Hell.  Yes, Hell!  It’s covering the Devil’s bathroom I tell you.  Because that second layer didn’t come up easily at all.  In fact, it finally had to be soaked in water and scraped up like wallpaper.  On our hands and knees.  So that happy joy funtime project?  The one that shouldn’t have taken more than an hour at the most?  It took frackin’ hours people!  Hours!  In a bathroom that’s no bigger than a McMansion Walk-In Closet! 

So campers, that was my world yesterday, on my hands and knees, scraping up flooring backing, and today I’m sore.  Everywhere.  Just like everybody else.  Sore like I’ve been beaten with sticks.  Sore like I was in a car wreck.  But, proudly, I can report that we were finally victorious and the new toilet is in.  And it is so beautiful, all pristine and white, that I just want to cry from the beauty.  Sitting there, majestic in it’s newness, casually posed on the marbled faux stone flooring, it’s a work of art.  And today, if all goes better than yesterday, we’ll have a new vanity.  And maybe the interesting yard art will be hauled away to the Habitat store.  Because I never want to see that old toilet, and it’s little secret stash of yuck that it was hiding under the base, again.  Although I do think we could put it someplace in the yard and use it to build a really nice shrine to Saint Larry the Cable Guy.  Add some flowers in the bowl, a flamingo or two and maybe fill the tank with PBR cans and we’ve got some really great yard art!  Talk amongst yourselves and vote – tax write-off/donation or shrine to the Patron Saint of Rednecks?  My neighbors anxiously await your vote! 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go.  We’re about to get started for today and I think the plumbing pipes need a smackdown before we get started.  Preemptive strike and all that.  If you have the time today, do me a favor and email the Bob.  Let him know that the Surgeon General has determined that the words "what exactly did you do today?" can be hazardous or dangerous to his health. 

I’m just sayin.    

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 5th, 2008 at 5:25 pm and is filed under Little Bisected house on Maplewood, The Daily Grind.You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.