Wait, what? It’s July?

Huh?  How?  And more importantly where the heck did June go exactly?  Was I even on terra firma at all?  Did I get kidnapped?

Wow.

So. Many. Questions.

Now where were we? Oh, right, “Grief and Grieving for the Newly Bereaved”, chapter two – well we’re still there.  New/old career path, careening straight into teh miserable –  yep, still there.  Oh, and I’ve gained 10 lbs in 2 months.

WTF?

Yeah, so I’m trying to stop that… with limited success… but the saddest part is that it took me most of a month to finally figure out why.  Yeah, I’m that clueless sometimes.  Not really that surprising, pretty cliche when I actually write it down.  But I’ll tell you all, so maybe you can learn from my bad example.  These days I’m so damned miserable and so much in denial about that misery that I’m eating it.  One bite at a time.  Trying to fill the miserable and empty space inside of me with something/anything that will make me feel better.  Make me feel whole.

Yeah.  That doesn’t work BTW.  Take a note, you’ll thank me one day.

Oh, and Mom is still dead.  That too.  In case you were wondering.  Which I’m sure you were not… that’s only me that wonders about that. But that’s another thing that is building my misery.  Wondering about things like that.  Losing sight of the very good things I have in my life as I long for the things that are not there.  How often does that happen?

All. Of. The. Time.

And then there is school.  The beast that is eating my life.  But with one semester left… well, you know.  It has to happen.  Just has to.  No stopping now.  Not at all.  But I’m just going through the motions… I’m not entirely sure I’ve learned anything in classes this summer.  I still have A’s though.  So there’s that.

Living in a whirlwind (or maelstrom) is an altogether challenging and somewhat dissatisfying experience, with some truly wonderful moments thrown in to keep me from blocking the entire time forever.  But still, there’s much I don’t remember, and that’s probably of the good.  I promise not to be gone this long again… sorry.  I need you guys… all one of you- thanks Dad!  And I really need to figure out how to have my nervous breakdown and get it over with.  Early August is looking favorable.  Pencil it in.

Wow, July.

Wow.

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