Wheat from Chaff… or figuring out what’s most important in life…

That’s tough, BTW, and I know only because I’ve been working hard on it lately.  Week 1 for school is over, and it is a bloodbath this semester kids.

Seriously.

This might be the hardest semester yet, filled with the hardest classes, and I may or may not lose my mind trying to simply survive it.

(True story – I sat in my car last Thursday night after Financial Accounting and ugly-cried for 5 min. because it’s seriously that bad.)

And, of course, because my day job seriously sucks, it’s doing it’s best to finish me off the rest of the way.  With no hesitation.  Because it’s work.  And I know this means I need to choose.  I know there’s a reason why younger, more mentally agile people do not try to work full-time and go to school full-time.  I know something needs to give.  And I know that the job I’m in, while very well-paid, is not my future path.  It’s merely a job.  With a paycheck.  And right now it’s also an obstacle.  But as I’m trying to make the right decision as to what to do about it, I keep coming back to that whole “we enjoy living indoors” thing, and then I sit down in the corner and rock.

And cry.

And then I dry my eyes and I go back to my homework.  That’s my life, here in this circle of hell.  And I daydream of a future… coming very soon… when all this will be over.

But not yet.

This is hard.  Doing the right thing is hard.  Knowing what that thing to do is hard.  There are no easy answers.  I need easy.  I need done.  But it’s not showing up.  Instead 3am rolls around every day, and every day I get a little more tired, a little more frustrated…

A little more.

Just know this one thing.  I will finish this.  And I will finish the way I want to finish it too.  This fight will not stop.  I am stronger than this thing.  I will do the right thing.  As soon as I figure out what it is.  As soon as I know when it is enough.

Soon.

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