ergh! Or whatever noise facsimile you want to insert for halloween creepy crawlers. See also, ick. Filed alongside “WTH would I want to do that?”
And with that small “get offa my lawn moment” can I just state for the record that there isn’t a chance in Hell or Orlando that I’m planning on going to Halloween Horror Nights this year? Er, yeah, um, no. To be totally crystal clear on this point, I’d rather deal with thousands of killer death armies of clowns than anything remotely undeadish like a zombie. In my considered opinion zombies are so played out. Well, zombies and sparkly child vampires. Oh and anything to do with chainsaws.
So, yeah, the chance of me paying Universal what I consider to be an exorbitant amount of my hard-earned money for the opportunity to spend an entire evening being mauled by dozens of moth-eaten, slime-covered, oozing faced people in need of a bath and maybe some Bactine is not good.
Yes, I am well aware that all the cool kids are doing it. No, I’m not cool. Maybe I never was. In fact, I’d say it’s highly likely that I never was.
But the idea of paying someone for the opportunity to have a bunch of people groaning like my Great-Aunt as she gets out of her Lazyboy, as they paw at my face and utter “brains” overandover just doesn’t sound like fun. Or not fun for me today. I think I’d be more into going to Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween and collecting some candy. Or even better, going to EPCOT Food & Wine and collecting a hangover.
Yeah. Winner winner chicken dinner! That’s the ticket!
And the bonus is that if I have a really successful Food & Wine experience the next day I could probably scare those damned zombies. ”Brainsssssss” indeed… but I’m reasonably sure I can restore myself with a Bloody Mary or a “triplegrandeonepumpnonfatlightwhipmocha”. Added bonus is that my acne is clearing up. And my hands aren’t falling off.
So, with all that grumbling, happy early Halloween. Since it appears that we must celebrate it for an entire month down here in order to make sure it is properly commemorated. My advice is to skip the faux zombies and go to Miami – don’t settle for second best. ARRRRGGHHHHH…