The most adulty Adult in the room?

Oh hell… if that was a question and the answer included my name at all then the quick answer is probably not and the reality is definitely not. Adulting is something I struggle with actually, even at my advanced age. Even with all of the accoutrements of adulthood wrapped around me and draped from me. I still struggle daily to not to end up in a blanket fort, coloring, and playing on my phone.

I am the oldest 13 year old you know.

But these days I’m starting to see some alarming signs of adulting slipping into my routine. And I am afraid. Very afraid. Because I’m still not entirely sure that I’m ready to be a grown up. An adult. In charge. But apparently I am.

Who saw that shit coming? Right?

But yeah, every time I get the trash to the curb the night before the garbage men come, every time I wash/dry/fold/put away my laundry all in the same day, every time I clean the entire house in 3 hours, every morning when I make my bed and put away all of my shoes and jewelry, and every time I check my budget and pay all of the bills on time I realize I have become something I have never been before.

A real grownup woman.

And again I get scared. Very scared. Because I don’t really want to grow up. I never really did. Growing up means you get closer to dying and my plan is to live forever. Even if I’m living forever in my blanket fort, watching “Stranger Things”, and coloring on my Starbucks cups. Even if I’m keeping my seat at the kids table, pretending I can’t hear the adults talking, and grumbling about eating all of my vegetables even if these days I’m actually liking them.

I always was a weird kid. #nothingchanges

But despite my fears and despite my reluctance, I’m approaching adulthood whether I like it or not. And I’m figuring out that I’m pretty good at it. Even if I’m not sure how to do all of the parts of it yet. I’m trying. I’m figuring out that I’m stronger than I thought. I’m figuring out that I can do this.

I can.

So watch out y’all… I’m growing up. Not all at once… because I still haven’t figured out when the second garbage day is each week. But I’m getting a lot better at this. I might turn 21 some year soon… and then?

Get out of my way! #livingmylife #nolimits

Finding joy in everything…

Buy the shoes.jpeg

So as I’ve alluded on here a couple of times, things have been a bit stressful and chaotic in my life recently. The happy base is good… no worries there… but there’s been a lot of things happening outside of my bubble that have been causing me quite a bit of sadness and stress.

You know… lots of life coming at me at 200 mph… it’s my own special torture… don’t try this at home kids.

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#metoo

I remember it like it happened yesterday. I remember the fear. I remember the panic. I remember the sheer determination to get away. I remember the humiliation.

I remember.

I was 18. I was at my 2nd Fraternity Party. Brand new to college life. Surrounded by people I did not know. Social situations I didn’t yet understand. Places I wasn’t familiar with.

I did not know.

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Lessons learned… again…

Confession… I hate needing people. Worse than pretty much anything in the world. Feeling needy to me is a total admission of weakness. I am instantly turned into a 5 year old child when I have to reach out for help… and I’m always terrified that I’ll be turned away or refused. So I try everything I can to never need anyone. Never be vulnerable. Never open up.

Never.

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#currentstatus… the October 6th Edition

willrogers1.jpg

So yeah… not funny anymore. Not funny at all. In fact I read a comment last night on Facebook and it truly sums up how things are going and I told the author I was borrowing it because she had no idea how accurate it is…

My current status? Shining in my Shitstorm. Continue reading

Isn’t it crazy…

Isn’t it crazy?

Yes… yes it is… everything is different and I am happy. This is the good stuff.

So here’s today’s wisdom from the unwise… love the life you have today kids. You may not have it in a day, in a week, in a year. 

Find your happy… and live your love. Out loud. Sing. Dance. Buy the shoes. Eat the damned cake. 

LIVE!

❤️

Choose wisely…

New Day

Yes… yes I am… I hadn’t really wrapped my mind around that part of reality but I am.  This weekend after I spent three days showing off my new world that realization finally sunk in.

I am simply ridiculously happy.

And that led me to recognize that this was the best choice I could have made for me. My life has changed dramatically. I miss my village up the road fierce. But I now know that no matter what the future brings this decision will never be something I regret.

Never!

And once again I am reminded that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. I took this shot. I had a 50/50 shot at the outcome. I scored.

And I am happy.

 

Every little thing…

 

So I’m a little introspective these days… maybe 36 hours of weather mayhem and a week of prep before said near-disaster will cause that? Or it’s the overthinking thing… there’s that too. And then there’s the OCD issues…

Oh holy hell… perhaps I should just take myself to a facility and call it a life? Continue reading

And this one is the best…

So it’s been a long week, there’s been some mishaps, but this morning I woke up and it’s Thursday.

The best Thursday ever.

Today, after all, is payday, I see the weekend peeking around the corner, and it’s a Holiday weekend, and and and…

So hi there best Thursday! I for one might be the happiest girl in the world to see you in the history of ever.

The. Happiest.

Yay!!!!!