Changing… evolving… becoming…

Something? Well, what we’re not entirely sure, but it’s going to certainly be something. Or we’re changing for the sake of change… sometimes it feels like that anyway but I sure hope not. However there are days when it feels like we take the pieces of our life and toss them into the air just to see where they land. Like some bizarre game of 52 card pickup, only with people and places and things.

Remember, God always laughs when we make plans… always.

But yeah, we’ve got that change thing going on again… as you’re probaby aware if you follow my Facebook feed any at all. More changes. First, the good news… FunEmployment 2015 is over and I have a new job. Not going into the specifics, already done that other places and thanks everyone for all of your encouragement and kind words! As for what I’m doing, well it’s a brand new thing for me and the best description is some sort of bastart love child created from everything I’ve ever done in the past. Yep, that about sums it up.

Hooray for new challenges and opportunities!

Also filed under yet another big change… the other half’s finally decided to do what we both agree is necessary for his Mom… just be there. It’s important and it’s worth it. We’ve hopefully got an entire life ahead of us… she doesn’t… enough said, decision made. The best way to put it is that if it’s this hard to do then it’s probably the right thing to do.

Just sayin.

So life goes back to the separate and equal world we’ve been living in off and on this year. I will miss him fierce, just like he will miss me, but we’re grownups and we do what we have to do. Life is about adapting and moving forward. Evolution, despite what that total moron Ben Carson says, is very real and happening to every one of us every day. We change, we adapt, we find solutions, we reroute, we move forward…

Or we die.

Wow… pretty hard choices… only not really. Change is part of everything. Change is what it takes for us to remain viable. I don’t know about you but viability to me is very much an important thing. In fact being viable is why I’m still here… how about you?

To close this I’ll borrow JFK’s words…

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

Make a difference… embrace the change… grab life with both hands and live – today and tomorrow. Remember, you only get one shot at this…

make it count.

Feeling your feelings…

I feel bad.

This lingering sickness… I hate it. I want to be well again. I want to feel better. I want… I want… I want. And yet I’m not there. I’m not able to do what I want. I’m being thwarted at every turn by my body that keeps feeling bad, feeling not up to par, feeling tired and run down, and feeling sick.

And yet.

I know I will get better. It will get better. I must. It must. But I feel off-kilter, out of balance, not myself. A shadow, a wraith, weak and not the same. Me, but not me. Trying to stand, feeling uncertain, a newborn colt on legs that do not yet have the strength to stand up. A rebirth of sorts.

A new day.

Because life goes on… it must. I’ll be better soon, I know. And then I’ll wonder why I ever wrote this. Why I ever focused on the bad and let it into my head.


For today I’m just staying with feeling bad. Feeling unwell. Out of sorts. Today I’m holding onto that. Giving me permission to feel bad. Because I can. Because I will.

Because I feel bad.

But just today. Tomorrow will be better. I know. Tomorrow will be okay.


Life is all about tomorrow.


Still in this handbasket… destination unknown…

(Editor’s note: I, er, well, yeah, um, I thought this posted. Two days ago. It didn’t. Yeah, um, no. Whole thing disappeared. Amazing. Wow. So anyway, we’re trying this again. And if it doesn’t work out this time? Well, then you’ll be reading this under a new name. Because I’m really damned tired of rewriting it. Really. Okay, really really. So, again, here goes.)

So, anyway, where were we? Oh, right, we were here, together, in a hand basket, going somewhere and hoping for a good outcome. Spoiler alert: We haven’t gotten it yet. The outcome that is. Nope. 6 months past Graduation and I’m still unemployed.


Sent a bunch of Resumes. Interviewed several times. Turned down a couple of not-so-great offers. Haven’t found what I’m looking for. I’m the Goldilocks of employment it seems. Nothing is “just right”.


But, hey, at least there’s peace and harmony at home… right? Um, well, no. Because apparently I am currently a little hard to live with. Who knew? Between the OCD, the perfectionism, and the annoying habit of being right most of the time… what’s not to love about all of that? Yeah, so, apparently a lot. And you know, once I write it all down, those faults of mine, I realize that it’s a freakin’ miracle that I ever got married.

Thank you We’re a success story! Yay! For now anyway. However all bets are off if the employment thing doesn’t change up really soon.

Anyway, so that’s the update… not much to talk about. Just trying to find a job and get out of this damned basket. If you hear of anything then hit me up. Yeah, anything. I’m even considering a summer gig at Disney but I’m afraid it would be short-lived the first time I said “Sodas, Turkey Legs, oh and PLEASE POLICE UP YOUR DAMNED KIDS!”

Yep… shortest tenure ever. At least puppies love me. Sometimes.

For this not being much of a week (see trip to Asheville on Friday, multiple Rosh Hashanah services, and the 600mi car ride to get home in time for school on Tuesday) it’s certainly been “interesting”.  And, no, it’s certainly not the “working 40+ hours/going to school full-time/trying to kill myself with no sleep” kind of full that I’ve previously been attempting  it’s still offered up a few personal obstacles that I’ve had to jump and dodge.

And while we’re on that topic, yes, despite the whole “not working” thing, guess who’s still getting up at 4 or 5am?  Er, yeah, that would be me.  Still not sleeping all the way through the night.


Anyway, there’s so much swirling about in my mind… I know, shocking?!… that I just decided to do a Friday Mind Dump instead of a real post.  You know, because sometimes I care enough not to write a billion words on just one topic?  Yeah, that’s it.  Or, it could be that I’m lazy.  That too.  But regardless the reason, here’s the undifferentiated list of things that are wandering my mind today…

  • Forget all that crap about Midol being PMS’s worst enemy… it’s a bunch of bull.  All that stuff ever did for me was a little pain relief and a caffeine twitch that I didn’t get from a cup of decent coffee.  Last night, purely by accident I might add, I may have cured PMS forever.  The prescription?  Oh, just eat two Candy Corn Oreos, wash them down with half a glass of Pepsi Next, and total relief is in sight!  What?  You don’t know about Candy Corn Oreos?  Ehrmagerd!  This is only the best new food I’ve found this year.  Which is proof indeed that I’ve def. lost my foodie street cred.  But seriously, who has time for being uppity when it feels like there’s someone inside your lower back systematically taking apart your spine with an ice pick?  Yeah, that.  That’s exactly how it feels.  But now I’ve got this whole tasty bag of Oreos all to myself and I’m going to be fine.  Trust me. Just fine.
  •   Apparently I am still passing all of my classes this semester, so far, despite the debacle that was the beginning of the semester and the time management system from Hell.  Actually, despite all that doomsaying, I’ve still got A’s and B’s.  Not that this surprises anyone.  But I actually said the words “I frankly don’t care if they’re all D’s, that’s still passing and that’s all I care about now” this week.  And then I woke up from that nightmare and immediately went into convulsions at the idea of a D.  Okay, yes, I’m a bit obsessive.  I’ll own that one.  But I just really hate getting bad grades.  No, let me fix that, I hate feeling like a failure.  That’s my real issue.  And because I’ll do anything to avoid those feelings I’m up at all bizarre hours working on things that aren’t going to matter at all in less than three months.  Perhaps after all this is over I should consider a class in Balance?  Because apparently that doesn’t mean a cookie in each hand, damn the luck.  Oh, and speaking of cookies, did I mention the Candy Corn Oreos?  Yeah, right, go get some now.  You won’t be sorry.
  • I simply cannot put into words my disappointment at not being in line somewhere this morning, waiting for my new iPhone.  No, I cannot.  I’m simply twitching for one.  Muttering things that sound sort of like “…the precious… must have the precious…” as I roam the internetz this morning looking at tech pron and pictures taken by people I know (cough, cough, Chandler you suck, cough) who are doing exactly that.  Dammit! Wants!  Now!  And yes, I know I could just have another cookie, because it’s totally the same… especially those tasty Candy Corn Oreos!  Trust me on those babies, oh and bring me another one while I check out this wide-angle picture of those stylish sleek corners and amazing upgraded features.  Arrrrggghhhhh!
  • Why for the love of Mary and all of the Angels would I have one Professor insisting that I learn how to create a Statement of Cash Flows from scratch and memorize virtually every ratio known to man and at the same time have another that wants me to figure out how to write those same ratios in Excel because “nobody does this stuff by hand anymore”.  Yeah, both teach at the same school, although one likely learned her Accounting in classes that were stocked with that fine accounting tool – The Abacus.  No, I’m not being ageist, but there is suspicion that she might have been around to add up the loss of Dinosaur lifeforms after the meteor took them out.   Dear College that is preparing me for the world – everything has a shelf life.  Her’s is long past.  You have an Accounting and Finance Professor who is proudly bragging that she operates her financial life completely off the grid and only goes online because teaching her classes forces her to do so? Er, yeah, you might want to consider upgrading that area of the program.  Unless there’s a huge untapped demand for manual bookkeeping around here that I’m not aware of.  And if so, well, trust me, you’ve created their workforce for centuries.  Meanwhile there’s this new thing – STEM – it’s apparently pretty big these days in the Edumacation circles.  Hey? Why don’t we consider pulling this Accounting piece up there in it?  Oh hell, now I’m stressed out again and I need another cookie.  Hey! Have I told you guys about the Candy Corn Oreos?  Oh, yeah, right, well they’re the bombdiggity… Imma go get one now. BRB.
  • So, anyway, that whole politics thing I’m wailing and gnashing about? Just took a turn for the odd.  Spray Tan for a candidate who’s doing his damnedest to be the whitest guy in America so he can fit in with those funny little brown people?  Seriously?  Romney Rallys (and I call them that in the loosest interpretation – if those folks rally too much they’ll break a hip!) are whiter than a bowl of Cream of Wheat, and damned near as homogenized.  Tampa’s Strippers are complaining that they didn’t make as much as they expected during the RNC and it’s his “Base” that’s the reason for that.  These are people who had to get their Rascals back to the hotel for a full charge for the next day.  I’ll bet the buffets in Tampa damned near went broke though… especially the ones with an Early Bird.  Yeah, white, old, and still bitching about the good old days when colored people knew their place – that’s today’s Republican Party.  Relevancy?  Not for much longer.  Thank Jeebus.  Yeah, it gets me riled.  Can you tell?  I may need another cookie.  And speaking of which, have you seen these?


  • So, yesterday I did exactly what this whole “not working and going to school” thing was supposed to allow me to do.  I studied.  All day.  Yes, all day.  Shut up about the Facebooking, that’s when I was on a break.  And today I’m doing that again. The studying part that is, and possibly the Facebook breaks.  Well, okay, it’s highly likely that there will be Facebook breaks, and the Twitters.  What I can see so far is that it’s very nice to be able to do this.  Nice to have all the time in the world for the important stuff in my life.  But I can also tell you that I am feeling much guilt for leaving a good-paying job to stay at home and be our household’s version of the 47%.  Yes, guilt, that time-wasting exercise in absurdity that I indulge in with much frequency.     I think I learned it from my Mom.  Thanks.  What an inheritance.  Well, that and my love for a good cup of coffee.  There’s that lesson she taught me as well.  Not a total fail.  But anyway, yes, now that I have time, I hope I can manage it better and get things in order around here.  Because truthfully we’re a mess.  And that’s another source of guilt.  Damn.  Time for a cookie… I think a Candy Corn Oreo would be perfect to assuage some of this dreck.  Want one?  This guilt is bad about transference… you could end up with it next.
  • I’ve finally found my Single Cup Coffee Brewer, I think.  Starbucks (cue Alleluia chorus) recently introduced their version, which comes with the ability to brew foamy milk so I can make a real Mocha.  I knew this gadget was coming out “just in time for the holidays” (not my quote, what the cute young man at my “go-to” Starbucks told me when he gave me the inside scoop) but never did I think it would be this spectacular.  So, yeah, it’s on the Fa-la-la-list for me.  With a star, or two.  And with all that introduction, behold I present to you the Starbucks Verismo System:


And with all that blathering, I think my mind it is dumped.  Oh, wait, there’s also this whole “gangnam style” thing that’s puzzling the shite out of me right now, as well as a billionty-eleven other things running around in my head that I can’t even totally articulate, but these are the big rocks.  Well, no, they’re not actually, they’re just the ones that tumbled out first.  Lucky you.  Enjoy your Friday!  Try a Candy Corn Oreo today – they have them at Target!  Limited edition, so you can feel all uppity and everything.

New Beginnings…

Do you ever run out of them?  I hope not… really, truly hope not.  Because I’ve packed a healthy lunch, made a Green Monster Smoothie, and I’m ready for today.


Because it’s a Monday and Monday’s suck where I work.  Really suck.  Like everyone all around the world spends all weekend working on creating mayhem and trying to come up with the worst scenarios possible that we have to resolve in 8 hours.  Or 10.  Or 14 – like last Monday.


Every Monday I update my resume just a bit more, because I hate it so much.  But every Thursday I think “this isn’t that bad” and it isn’t.  Work as schizophrenia… or work is schizophrenia.  One or the other.  Who can say? But today it starts again.  Today is the first day of the rest of my week.  Today is what I have.  Today.  Make it count?  Make it worth it?  Okay… maybe not… let’s just go with survival.

I’ll settle for that.


I think we’ve rented the zoo…

Flash news update!  We have new family members here at Casa de Weiner.  Along with Harold, the Rats, and all three Dogs .  Apparently we hung out a sign somewhere, or this house is the secret replacement for Noah’s Ark, or some such craziness because now we’ve got new additions.


Lots. of. Ants.

Cue groans.  Okay, thanks.  Love sound effects, don’t you?  They just add so much to stale words, written on a page.  If I keep them then you might actually forget that you’re not watching TV.  See?  I’m sneaky like that.  Forcing literacy on the unsuspecting. It’s my life goal.

Anywho, yeah, we’ve got Ants.  LOTS. OF. ANTS.  Like perhaps they came in a box labeled exactly like that.  Only I didn’t see their box.  I just see them, showing up in random places, all the time.  Like the one that just mysteriously appeared on my laptop while I was writing, just a second ago.  I have no clue where he came from, unless they’re falling from the ceiling, and I’m not entirely sure that Ants can do that.  But you can be sure that if they can, my Ants would be the ones to try it.  Like Keanu Reeves in Matrix.  Only I could get Ants who can mimic that stuff.

Lucky me.  Most people get bugs, I get the frickin’ Avengers, disguised in tiny bug suits. Yay.

So now, what with the influx of pestilence, I’m wondering when the frogs and boils are coming.  Prudent like that I am, everything leads back to the old testament.  Everything.  PS second lesson from there is don’t eat the Lobster… seriously trayf.  Like, so trayf it gets capitalized.  TRAYF.  Look it up, Deuteronomy, my Nana told me, you’re welcome.

Anyway, dammit, back to the Ants.  And what to do.  And most definitely what to do about the damned Ants in the house.  If anyone in Lakeland can recommend an Exterminator that’d be great.  Or a new rental house somewhere in the Lake Hollingsworth area, preferably without a whole collection of current tenants of the unseen variety, that’d be just great too.  Two bathrooms would be a huge bonus.  Truly, you have no idea.  Bob might actually sponsor a parade in your honor.  Two bathrooms?  That’s an embarrassment of riches beyond our wildest dreams.  I might swoon from excitement.

But yeah… exterminator or new rental.  Either will work.  In the 33803.  Because we’re townies like that.  No bugs.  No rodents.  Finders prize to whoever nails it.  Okay… ready… go!

Boy will he be disappointed…

So, I posted this on Facebook but I think it deserves a full writeup.  Because I’m really amused at how things sometimes get misdirected and go awry.  Pro tip for all of you… check your email addresses when you’re sending something that’s important.  Because sometimes things don’t go as you plan.  Because of stupid mistakes.

Such is life.  Right?

But, because I find much to laugh at in the ridiculous, I’m sharing this email, received by my hubby last week, because I want to crowd source the reply Bob should give this kind gentleman… if any… or if we should just let harry ashkenazi (of no capital letters  fame) wonder where his orchestra is on June 3d.

Here’s the email:

From: Harry Ashkenazi
To: Robert Weiner
Re: Harmonia Orchestra – June 3rd


I received your voicemail today. Yes the gig is confirmed and I’d like to book you.

Please confirm.



Yep… apparently my husband has an orchestra?  The Harmonia Orchestra?  Who knew?  Well, me, for one, but only after some quality bonding time with the Google, and here’s their link:  Yes, indeed they’re for real… wow.  But unless he’s hiding far more from me than that single 1970′s era VHS pron tape that he can’t even watch any more because we no longer have a VHS player, Bob isn’t one of them…

I think.

But then again, there are times when he’s gone on Saturdays… could he be playing Simchas all over the Tampa Bay area?  Flying up to NYC to hit the Bar Mitzvah circuit?  Does he have a whole other life I don’t know about?

I don’t know.

But I do know that this confirmation needs to be answered.  I think.  So let’s come up with a crowd sourced reply to mr. ashkenazi (of no capital letters fame).  I’m waiting for you to weigh in.

Misdirected communication.  So easy.  So fun.  Like the postcard that got lost 50 years ago that shows up unexpectedly today.  From Bill’s Giant Ball of Twine.  Serving as proof that your life was just as ridiculous all those years ago as it is today.

It was.  It is. It will be again.

“Sorry harry… Bob can’t make it.  His backup singers are needing their shots and can’t currently get on a plane due to missing DHPP vaccines.  Mabel sends regrets… but Little Dog just ate your email and farted.  Oh, and she ate the Autoharp too, so clearly we can’t let her travel due to risks to the plane.  The wings are obviously her next target.  Thanks, but no.”

There, that’s one reply.  Give me yours.

Operators are standing by…