The House of Flying Monkeys » Hey Ya’ll! Watch this!!! -The Reptile Edition

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Sep 21 2009

Hey Ya’ll! Watch this!!! -The Reptile Edition

Posted by: missyb64 in Florida, In the news today, Likes & Dislikes, Rants

OMGWTFBBQ!!!! And this is the difference between the news "backhome" and the news down here. "Backhome" we have asshats running moonshine and chop shops. We have more asshats taking their Pit Bulls to the mountains and sic’ing them on full-grown deer. And after all that, you’d think I’d already read it all. But then you’d be wrong. Because here? Here there’s just as much stupid. Because here we have the dad-danged Crocodile Hunter’s other brother Daryl living right next door. And along with his Pit Bulls, he has this special leetle friend penned up out in the backyard in a soggy Refrigerator Box that he stole from the Best Buy last summer.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Delilah the 400 lb Python. And the best headline I’ve read in a while:

Man Charged for Unsafe Housing of 400-Pound Python

Okay, now most of you look to be fairly intelligent (except for you, and maybe the guy beside you) so which of you can tell me exactly what would be defined as "safe" housing for a 400lb Snake? Seriously? Because the only thing I’m coming up with is a shoe box – after I make a pair of boots out of the slithery beyotch!

Safe housing? Oh, maybe Animal Kingdom would be safe. Maybe. If Delilah didn’t decide to eat Timon and Pumbaa and the entire Tree of Life too! You know, because she’s a big girl, she can if she wants to. I ain’t stopping her. Not a chance in hell. And with that cheesy fine of $316.00, you sure won’t be stopping ole BillyJoeJimBob Jones Jr. from keeping her around either. And I figure it’s a safe bet that if he couldn’t come up with anything better than chickenwire and popcicle sticks the first time, he’s not going to do any better now. In fact, now he thinks his civil right to own a big-assed unlicensed snake has been abused. Now he’s pissed. And so’s the snake, after Animal Control came in and poked at her for a few hours. Wouldn’t improve my disposition much either. Or yours. Just sayin.

But now I just gotta tell you that I’m starting to feel all Marlon Perkinsy about these new Florida neighbors I’ve got down here… you know, as in:

oh gosh Jim, watch out! Gee, that had to hurt. Jim, buddy, talk to us. Jim? Jim? Okay, let’s take a break, Jim needs a few minutes to collect himself."

Literally. Collect himself – from all over the yard.

Yay.

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This entry was posted on Monday, September 21st, 2009 at 6:19 am and is filed under Florida, In the news today, Likes & Dislikes, Rants.You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “Hey Ya’ll! Watch this!!! -The Reptile Edition”

Feldman says: March 15th, 2010 at 2:30 pm

I, too, have a pit-bull who stands out as the most sensitive animal I have ever owned. Quickly, a new dog breed will come together for the media to blast, because they have carried out rotties and dobies in preceding years. Unfortunate that media sensationalism breeds so much inaccurate information.