The One about Thanksgiving…

So yeah, it’s Thanksgiving… and even though it might be the oddest Thanksgiving in years I’ve already been celebrating the thankfulness this week and I intend to continue doing exactly that every day. Thankful shouldn’t be something we only try on once a year you see… no matter how hard things are, no matter how wrong things have gone, no matter what’s happening… there is always always always something to be thankful for.

Always.

Do you have a roof over your head? Well there you go. Do you have food in your cupboard? Told you so. Are you working? Again… there’s always something. No, it might not be a luxury roof… and no, you might not be eating a six course tasting menu… and you might actually hate your job or be out of work… but guess what? There’s still something… you just need to look a little harder to find it.

Always.

This week I started my list at dinner each night with a good friend when we drank our usual toast. As my part of that toast, where we both always find something to celebrate, I’ve added one thing I’m grateful for. First was friendship, of course, because I’m so very blessed with the friends I have. Especially the inner circle… y’all know who you are… thanks.

Always.

Second is my life… because I am so very well aware that there’s so very many people who would love to have my truly first world problems. Nothing that is currently wrong in my life is anything that will kill me. Nothing that will leave me homeless. Nothing in my life is that awful. Sure… I’ve got things wrong. No… my life is not perfect. But I’m pretty sure most people would laugh at the things I worry about and most people would eyeroll my top ten concerns. So I focus on just being happy. And I make that choice most of the time. And I remember whenever I am starting to focus on the negatives in my life that my life is pretty damned good, and that’s when I always remember.

Always.

So why not consider adding a thankful ritual into your own life? Not just for this week but for always. Look around you. See everything and everybody that is there. And keep in mind that no matter how hard “right now” might be, everything passes. Everything gets better. And everything has something for which you need to be thankful.

Always.

Always be thankful. If it’s not a blessing it’s a lesson. So be thankful for family, for friends, for old relationships and new, for good jobs and bad jobs and no jobs, for food – good and bad, for the roof over your head – even if it needs to be replaced, for changes, for sameness, for everything…

Just be thankful.

And when you count your thankfuls I hope you find as many as I did… just this year… just by taking a moment and looking back. My smile is so broad right now. My life is full. As bad as things have been at times… things are still very good.

I am thankful.

Wearing it well…

 

 

Charlotte Harbor 11/11/17

You know, one of the most interesting things I’m seeing in myself these days is a lot of reprioritization. Continue reading

It’s Friday…

FWIW today is Day 5 of the Hostage Situation… color me done.

The most adulty Adult in the room?

Oh hell… if that was a question and the answer included my name at all then the quick answer is probably not and the reality is definitely not. Adulting is something I struggle with actually, even at my advanced age. Even with all of the accoutrements of adulthood wrapped around me and draped from me. I still struggle daily to not to end up in a blanket fort, coloring, and playing on my phone.

I am the oldest 13 year old you know.

But these days I’m starting to see some alarming signs of adulting slipping into my routine. And I am afraid. Very afraid. Because I’m still not entirely sure that I’m ready to be a grown up. An adult. In charge. But apparently I am.

Who saw that shit coming? Right?

But yeah, every time I get the trash to the curb the night before the garbage men come, every time I wash/dry/fold/put away my laundry all in the same day, every time I clean the entire house in 3 hours, every morning when I make my bed and put away all of my shoes and jewelry, and every time I check my budget and pay all of the bills on time I realize I have become something I have never been before.

A real grownup woman.

And again I get scared. Very scared. Because I don’t really want to grow up. I never really did. Growing up means you get closer to dying and my plan is to live forever. Even if I’m living forever in my blanket fort, watching “Stranger Things”, and coloring on my Starbucks cups. Even if I’m keeping my seat at the kids table, pretending I can’t hear the adults talking, and grumbling about eating all of my vegetables even if these days I’m actually liking them.

I always was a weird kid. #nothingchanges

But despite my fears and despite my reluctance, I’m approaching adulthood whether I like it or not. And I’m figuring out that I’m pretty good at it. Even if I’m not sure how to do all of the parts of it yet. I’m trying. I’m figuring out that I’m stronger than I thought. I’m figuring out that I can do this.

I can.

So watch out y’all… I’m growing up. Not all at once… because I still haven’t figured out when the second garbage day is each week. But I’m getting a lot better at this. I might turn 21 some year soon… and then?

Get out of my way! #livingmylife #nolimits

Telling all of the truth…

Before I go into this, I have to confess that this has been a very hard post to write. Social media, you see, is a funny thing… you think you see someone’s life but in fact you really don’t. You only see what that person wants you to see. Which most of the time is the very much sanitized and “ready for primetime” version. I too am guilty of this, very much so in fact. Even with the heartfelt posts I share and the brutal honesty I tend to include in my words, they’re still not everything that’s going on in my life. Nor should they be. Because being good at telling my story means knowing which stories to tell.

And which ones not to share, ever.

Actually I used to eyeroll my Nana when someone would make the mistake of asking her how she was doing and she’d tell them about everything including her bunions (oh my lord the worst ever) and the perils of buying decent girdles (don’t ask for specifics, seriously, just don’t). I finally told her one day that nobody really wants to know, that they were just being polite, and her reply was that if they didn’t really want to know then they shouldn’t ask.

That’s the rule – don’t ask.

But you didn’t ask, and yet here we are, with me writing again. Because I’m ready to tell the truth finally about something that is very sad and very hard that is going on in our lives. And I’m caveating this with the statement that I hope no one will feel the need to try to make this a scandal or anything ridiculous like that. To be sure, what’s happening isn’t a good thing but it is a necessary thing and it will hopefully eventually result in something good for us. I hope so anyway. And as for why we’re telling everyone like this… simply put… it’s faster. Our immediate family knows. They’ve supported us both as we started this journey. Now we’re bringing the rest of our world into the circle.

So… without any more noise…

As most of you know Robert and I have been separated for quite a long time. We have finally made a decision about our long-term future and we want to share this decision with our friends and family. After 2 plus years of separation we have finally begun the journey toward divorce. To be very clear with everyone, we are not angry with each other and we do not intend anyone in our shared circle of friends and family to feel like they need to take sides. We’re on the same side – each other’s – and we hope all of you will remain the same. We both feel much sadness over the loss of our marriage but we intend to work very hard to maintain our friendship which has always been the bedrock of our relationship and honestly the only thing that has kept us together when there was little else to hold onto. Truthfully no one will ever make me laugh or smile the way Bob does, no one will ever really “get” him and push his boundaries the way I do, and our political and philosophical discussions will I’m quite sure continue on for a very long time. We still have much love for each other and for our shared family and friends and we hope all of you will bear with us as we navigate this new path both together and apart.

There… ugh!

Now I’m sure I heard the collective non-gasp. For something that is definitely non-news. And I want it to be very clear that this wasn’t a decision we came to hastily. We’ve considered lots of different things, looked at many ideas, but the reality is that we’re just too far apart and some things can’t be fixed. Love, it seems, just isn’t quite enough.

Who knew?

So go hug your significant other right now and be grateful for them and what they bring to your life. And don’t worry about me or Bob. We’re going to be okay… eventually… and maybe sooner. We’re working on it. And we appreciate our village as we live through this thing.

Thanks.

Starting over…

That’s what this is all about… starting over… sometimes it takes longer than you think… but three years after this process began it feels like I’m finally on my way. Is it hard? Yes. Do I hurt still? Of course. Am I sad sometimes when I look back? You have no idea. But then I remember that everything passes and life goes on. It has.

It will.

And still I move forward.

Forward.

Smiling through the tears.

But still smiling.

Finding joy in everything…

Buy the shoes.jpeg

So as I’ve alluded on here a couple of times, things have been a bit stressful and chaotic in my life recently. The happy base is good… no worries there… but there’s been a lot of things happening outside of my bubble that have been causing me quite a bit of sadness and stress.

You know… lots of life coming at me at 200 mph… it’s my own special torture… don’t try this at home kids.

Continue reading