So it’s 5:45 am and I’m trying to explain weekends to dogs…
Never thought I’d wish for a Monday…
Something? Well, what we’re not entirely sure, but it’s going to certainly be something. Or we’re changing for the sake of change… sometimes it feels like that anyway but I sure hope not. However there are days when it feels like we take the pieces of our life and toss them into the air just to see where they land. Like some bizarre game of 52 card pickup, only with people and places and things.
Remember, God always laughs when we make plans… always.
But yeah, we’ve got that change thing going on again… as you’re probaby aware if you follow my Facebook feed any at all. More changes. First, the good news… FunEmployment 2015 is over and I have a new job. Not going into the specifics, already done that other places and thanks everyone for all of your encouragement and kind words! As for what I’m doing, well it’s a brand new thing for me and the best description is some sort of bastart love child created from everything I’ve ever done in the past. Yep, that about sums it up.
Hooray for new challenges and opportunities!
Also filed under yet another big change… the other half’s finally decided to do what we both agree is necessary for his Mom… just be there. It’s important and it’s worth it. We’ve hopefully got an entire life ahead of us… she doesn’t… enough said, decision made. The best way to put it is that if it’s this hard to do then it’s probably the right thing to do.
So life goes back to the separate and equal world we’ve been living in off and on this year. I will miss him fierce, just like he will miss me, but we’re grownups and we do what we have to do. Life is about adapting and moving forward. Evolution, despite what that total moron Ben Carson says, is very real and happening to every one of us every day. We change, we adapt, we find solutions, we reroute, we move forward…
Or we die.
Wow… pretty hard choices… only not really. Change is part of everything. Change is what it takes for us to remain viable. I don’t know about you but viability to me is very much an important thing. In fact being viable is why I’m still here… how about you?
To close this I’ll borrow JFK’s words…
Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.
Make a difference… embrace the change… grab life with both hands and live – today and tomorrow. Remember, you only get one shot at this…
make it count.
I feel bad.
This lingering sickness… I hate it. I want to be well again. I want to feel better. I want… I want… I want. And yet I’m not there. I’m not able to do what I want. I’m being thwarted at every turn by my body that keeps feeling bad, feeling not up to par, feeling tired and run down, and feeling sick.
I know I will get better. It will get better. I must. It must. But I feel off-kilter, out of balance, not myself. A shadow, a wraith, weak and not the same. Me, but not me. Trying to stand, feeling uncertain, a newborn colt on legs that do not yet have the strength to stand up. A rebirth of sorts.
A new day.
Because life goes on… it must. I’ll be better soon, I know. And then I’ll wonder why I ever wrote this. Why I ever focused on the bad and let it into my head.
For today I’m just staying with feeling bad. Feeling unwell. Out of sorts. Today I’m holding onto that. Giving me permission to feel bad. Because I can. Because I will.
Because I feel bad.
But just today. Tomorrow will be better. I know. Tomorrow will be okay.
Life is all about tomorrow.
(Editor’s note: I, er, well, yeah, um, I thought this posted. Two days ago. It didn’t. Yeah, um, no. Whole thing disappeared. Amazing. Wow. So anyway, we’re trying this again. And if it doesn’t work out this time? Well, then you’ll be reading this under a new name. Because I’m really damned tired of rewriting it. Really. Okay, really really. So, again, here goes.)
So, anyway, where were we? Oh, right, we were here, together, in a hand basket, going somewhere and hoping for a good outcome. Spoiler alert: We haven’t gotten it yet. The outcome that is. Nope. 6 months past Graduation and I’m still unemployed.
Sent a bunch of Resumes. Interviewed several times. Turned down a couple of not-so-great offers. Haven’t found what I’m looking for. I’m the Goldilocks of employment it seems. Nothing is “just right”.
But, hey, at least there’s peace and harmony at home… right? Um, well, no. Because apparently I am currently a little hard to live with. Who knew? Between the OCD, the perfectionism, and the annoying habit of being right most of the time… what’s not to love about all of that? Yeah, so, apparently a lot. And you know, once I write it all down, those faults of mine, I realize that it’s a freakin’ miracle that I ever got married.
Thank you match.com. We’re a success story! Yay! For now anyway. However all bets are off if the employment thing doesn’t change up really soon.
Anyway, so that’s the update… not much to talk about. Just trying to find a job and get out of this damned basket. If you hear of anything then hit me up. Yeah, anything. I’m even considering a summer gig at Disney but I’m afraid it would be short-lived the first time I said “Sodas, Turkey Legs, oh and PLEASE POLICE UP YOUR DAMNED KIDS!”
Yep… shortest tenure ever. At least puppies love me. Sometimes.