Lessons learned… again…

Confession… I hate needing people. Worse than pretty much anything in the world. Feeling needy to me is a total admission of weakness. I am instantly turned into a 5 year old child when I have to reach out for help… and I’m always terrified that I’ll be turned away or refused. So I try everything I can to never need anyone. Never be vulnerable. Never open up.

Never.

Until I have no choice. Until I can’t not reach out. Until I exhaust all possibilities. Until I just can’t.

Spoiler alert… sometimes I can’t.

And when I can’t? So. Much. Drama. When adulting fails me it’s usually big and messy and with lots of tears and such. Because I’m so scared. Because I’m not comfortable with being vulnerable. But that’s when I have to be brave. Have to reach out. Have to take a risk. Have to hope that someone will catch me when I fall. It doesn’t happen often, but occasionally it does.

But I hate it.

However… I’m learning. Slowly. Carefully. Painfully. Learning. Like I learned this weekend – in several ways. Because when I reached out this weekend several hands caught me. Strong hands. Smart hands. Hands that comforted me. Hands that helped me. Hands that showed me solutions. Many hands. Together. Helping me find answers. Helping me find comfort. Showing me I’m not alone.

I am not alone.

And today I’m feeling stronger. Feeling more adultish. Feeling like I can do this thing called life. Because today I really do know that I have people around me who will not let me fall. And I am no longer afraid.

Wow.

Today’s lesson? My village is bigger than I think. People care when you let them. And love is around me all the time, whether I see it or not. Thank you to everyone in my life who helped me realize this… once again. Sometimes I’m a slow learner but I’m getting there. Life has been a challenge these last few weeks… but when I faltered I found help… ready and waiting, and that’s when I knew…

That’s when you carried me.

So thanks Ted, Rich & Caren, Charlie & Alex, Matt, Jody & Scott, Brian, and my family. I feel the love and I am blessed.

You are my village.

I love you.

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#currentstatus… the October 6th Edition

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So yeah… not funny anymore. Not funny at all. In fact I read a comment last night on Facebook and it truly sums up how things are going and I told the author I was borrowing it because she had no idea how accurate it is…

My current status? Shining in my Shitstorm. Continue reading

Wriggling, writhing, working…

Dear October,
KTKSCYABAI!

Yr pal Missy (not really yr pal, just being polite)

Continue reading

Isn’t it crazy…

Isn’t it crazy?

Yes… yes it is… everything is different and I am happy. This is the good stuff.

So here’s today’s wisdom from the unwise… love the life you have today kids. You may not have it in a day, in a week, in a year. 

Find your happy… and live your love. Out loud. Sing. Dance. Buy the shoes. Eat the damned cake. 

LIVE!

❤️

Choose wisely…

New Day

Yes… yes I am… I hadn’t really wrapped my mind around that part of reality but I am.  This weekend after I spent three days showing off my new world that realization finally sunk in.

I am simply ridiculously happy.

And that led me to recognize that this was the best choice I could have made for me. My life has changed dramatically. I miss my village up the road fierce. But I now know that no matter what the future brings this decision will never be something I regret.

Never!

And once again I am reminded that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. I took this shot. I had a 50/50 shot at the outcome. I scored.

And I am happy.

 

Lather, rinse, repeat…

Monday

Every little thing…

 

So I’m a little introspective these days… maybe 36 hours of weather mayhem and a week of prep before said near-disaster will cause that? Or it’s the overthinking thing… there’s that too. And then there’s the OCD issues…

Oh holy hell… perhaps I should just take myself to a facility and call it a life? Continue reading