Yr pal Missy (not really yr pal, just being polite)
Yes… yes I am… I hadn’t really wrapped my mind around that part of reality but I am. This weekend after I spent three days showing off my new world that realization finally sunk in.
I am simply ridiculously happy.
And that led me to recognize that this was the best choice I could have made for me. My life has changed dramatically. I miss my village up the road fierce. But I now know that no matter what the future brings this decision will never be something I regret.
And once again I am reminded that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. I took this shot. I had a 50/50 shot at the outcome. I scored.
And I am happy.
So it’s been a long week, there’s been some mishaps, but this morning I woke up and it’s Thursday.
The best Thursday ever.
Today, after all, is payday, I see the weekend peeking around the corner, and it’s a Holiday weekend, and and and…
So hi there best Thursday! I for one might be the happiest girl in the world to see you in the history of ever.
Is it cliche to say I’ve missed writing on here? Is it ridiculous? Is it a lie? Maybe all three… and yet here I am… pecking away. So much to share but I’m not really ready for that right now. There’s a lot on my plate, a lot on my mind, and a lot in my way… there, that’s all you need to know.
Yes, really. No I won’t change my mind.
But still I’ve been craving some creating… because these days I just feel stifled. Almost like I’m constipated… but not really… but really. And you’re welcome for that overshare… but honestly that’s the best description. Like I’m sort of marking time or walking in place which is exactly the opposite of fun for me.
I know… it’s challenging reading me when I’m like this. #sorrynotsorry
But at least I finally said something… even if it’s not much. At least I finally started typing again. At least there’s that. And very soon I’ll start talking again. I promise. There really is a lot to say. I promise. Even if it’s only entertaining to me.
I really do want to say it. I promise.
So this morning I started planning our big yearly entertaining event – the 2017 New Years Brunch. So far I’ve created a Facebook event, built a guest list, started adding to the Pinterest board, built a planning spreadsheet… you know, the usual things when you’re entertaining in 2016? Yeah, all of those.
Side note, how did we do this before social media? Wait, what? You don’t do it that way? Whatevs… Paper invites? Spiral notebook lists? In a word… #nope!
And with this step I’m making the decision that come what may with the search for work I’m still here and this is where my life is happening. It’s time to make some plans farther out than tomorrow. Life goes on. And if something happens that pulls me out of here then guess what? I know how to fly home. I’m pretty damned good at buying plane tickets in fact and I can get here pretty fast. So everything else be damned… the holidays will be as I wish. Thanksgiving in North Carolina, Christmas and New Years here. Festive, fun, surrounded by people I love in the places I love, with everything I love included.
I guess the message I’ve been getting from the voices in my head is “live your life”. Out loud. With no need for any forgiveness or permission. These are most assuredly interesting times indeed but putting everything on hold in order to wait for other people to decide things just isn’t working for me anymore. It’s time for me to just do it. Just live.
Today… and tomorrow… and beyond.
Yeah… again… like that’s not something brand-new and shiny for me… right? But yeah, since apparently self-hosted blogs get deleted if you don’t update the credit card info… ten years of my writing, erased in one button push. I know, seriously? WTOH? And we’ve been told the interwebs are forever… that’s a lie from the pit of hell kids, just so we’re clear. So I’m heartbroken, so much content gone, so much of me deleted.
But I can rebuild, I can still write, I still know the engrishes. But I’m still mad. Really mad. Like unreasonably, ridiculously, irrationally angry AF. At me, at Bluehost, and pretty much the interweb too. Stay out of the way… this could end up getting ugly.
Update: Thanks to the wizardry of my good friend Chuck Welch I’ve been directed to a source for at least a good chunk of my old posts. It’s tedious work copying and pasting the old stuff but I am rebuilding, slowly but surely. You’ll see more and more content continue to show back up over the next days/weeks/months as I continue recreating my past. Thanks again Chuck! You’re a lifesaver!
Last night I was up until past 1:30 am watching democracy at work. I wasn’t watching it on any major news outlet though, for which I am further past angry than I’ve been in a long time, but I was not alone. I watched alongside 170,000+ other people who refused to stop looking because the patriarchy said there was no news being made and I’m happy to report from the milky daylight of a brand new day that there was news made and that our system of government still works. I hope you saw it too because it truly was breathtaking to see the Austin Statehouse erupt with the voices of the people of Texas who filibustered themselves when their legislature attempted to silence their official Senate voice in her attempt to be heard. Today, in the milky sunshine of this brand-new day, Wendy Davis is a bonafide hero – pink running shoes and all – as much as any man who fought any other battle that shaped Texas into what it is today. She gets not only my utmost respect but also my hope that someone gave her a really good foot rub and our donations for any race she chooses to run in the future even though she does not represent us, yet. To be sure, there will be a price paid by her, and my household will help her pay it. Because we, as a family, have that choice, because she was not willing to let the constitutionally protected choices of the women of Texas be taken away without raising her voice in protest and alarm.
To Wendy’s point (and my own), whatever your belief, you must understand forever that this is my body and I make my choices. Nobody else gets that right, not you, not my husband, not anybody else. And before you try to take that away from me you must understand that I have lost my choices before because of somebody else’s beliefs and I will not allow that to ever happen again for my daughter or my niece or their girl children, either today, tomorrow, or any day. I will fight you with my voice, with my words, with my money, with my body. I will fight. You may win a battle but you will not win this war. Because I will not fight alone. Austin was but a foreshadowing.
You really won’t like me when I’m angry.
You’ve been warned.